Naked flight attendants reduce terrorist risk

Fly cheep, fly safe, fly bare

HOUSTON, Tex. — Monument Barelines was the first, low-cost, commercial airline to introduce all-nude air travel, Soon it will be extending its bare essential service to trans-Atlantic flights to the United States from Europe and the Middle East. However, it is reversing its operational strategy. Now instead of transporting uncovered passengers, the air carrier will be staffed by naked flight attendants. And while the reason to fly domestic passengers without clothing is economic, the reason behind naked cabin-crew members on international flights is security. 

flight attendant

According to Heidi Truncher, a spokesperson for Monument Airlines, the parent company of Monument Barelines, the concept for naked service was borne out of an incident on an international flight that had to be diverted to Halifax, Canada. A half-dozen Islamic extremists began to tear apart portions of the cabin in response to the on-board movie, Naked Gun, being showing in the coach section of the aircraft. After they were removed from the airliner, one of those arrested proclaimed that had he known that there would be such disregard for awrah, he would never have booked a seat on the airline.

“With that as the backstory,” said Truncher, “we believe that no Islamic terrorist worth his sorry-ass beliefs would dare book a seat aboard one of our flights knowing that so much female flesh would be on display on the eight-hour-plus trip across the Atlantic. On the other hand,” Truncher added, “we do expect to see a significant increase in travel from smarmy businessmen.”

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