Gluteal augmentation business is firming up
BUTZ, Va. — The National Institute of Engineers and Somatic Surgeons (NICEASS) announced today that it has entered into an agreement with La Couvier Hotels to combine surgery and spa travel, creating the first of its kind gluteal augmentation and spa program.
According to Beverly Evensfeld, spokesperson for NICEASS, “Our organization members have seen and exodus of potential patients to foreign countries where cosmetic surgical procedures are far less expensive than here in the States. We believe that our innovative program of combining cosmetic surgery with a spa experience will reverse this trend.”
In noting that the roll out of this program has been delayed because Hooters Air, the original airline partner that terminated its commercial service, Evensfeld said, "It has taken us longer to get up to speed than we had hoped. On the other hand, response to our announced plans has been overwhelming. In fact we have had to turn some people away from of our most preferred locations during the popular spring surgery season."
The all-inclusive cost of a two-week gluteal augmentation and spa program, which includes round trip transportation, lodging, meals and of course surgery, starts at $38,599. Also, through special arrangements with Fat Chance Diets, each patient receives a ButtMaster delivered free to his or her home to be used to maintain muscular tone during the extended recovery period. Above the standard price for the program, patients can select from a number of specialized enhancements including The J-Lo, The Paris, The Tyra, The Beyoncé and even The Donald.
When asked about the selection of spa locations, Evensfeld said, "All of our selected sites were chosen based on four criteria. First, they are located in the most affordable cities in the country. Consequently it has been easy to recruit top notch talent to staff our clinics and spas.
"Second, every location is easy to get to. Each location is within an hour's drive of a major metropolitan airport.
"Third, every clinic is in excess of 6000 feet above sea level. At these altitudes, the pull of gravity is significantly less than at lower elevations where patients are more likely to suffer from the common post-surgical complication of gluteus saggitis or 'butt droop.'
"Finally," said Evensfeld, "the particular cities and villages were selected for their names — each proper name helping to reinforce and promote the gluteal augmentation and spa experience." According to NICEASS literature, the following cites have been selected as the sites for its clinics and spas:
▪ Beaheind, N.C.
▪ Big Booty Gulch, Mo.
▪ Bigg Butt, Texas
▪ Butt Head, Cal.
▪ Buttavia Springs, Ohio
▪ Buttout, N.Y.
▪ Buttsville, N.J.
▪ Dairy Aire, Wis.
▪ Ferm Fanni, Ill.
▪ Flat Butt, Mich.
▪ High Knee, N.H.
▪ Nurump, Nev.
▪ Rearup, Id.
▪ Rock Bottom, Miss.
▪ Square Butt, Mont.
▪ Tonedtail, Del.
▪ Tetontush, N.M.
▪ Twin Cheeks Creek, Okla.
Evensfeld noted that all locations are expected to be fully staffed and operational by year's end.
In a related story, Err Travel has learned that secret talks are underway between the Male Enhancement Clinic of Cleveland and Steve Wynn to build a clinic and spa near Johnson City, Tenn.