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CELEBRATION, Fla. -- Another theme park — the first of its kind to open anywhere in the world — is scheduled to open next year just south of Orlando. The opening date will fall on the anniversary of the murder of Tupac Shakur, the rap singer who was gunned down in Las Vegas in 1996.
Brandon Fellsmere, a local reporter who has no next of kin for whom he is responsible, was invited to a special preview of the park. During the tour, Mr. Slam-Bam Thudd, President of GangstaParks, LLP, described a few of the parks attractions. Among them shown were the "Extortion Contortion" (a Cadillac trunk escape ride), the "Stereo Bass Blast" (a test of inner eardrum sustainability), and "Shootinanny," which is described in company literature as "a rollicking fun stage show of hip-hop and gunfire."
All of these attractions surround the main feature and what will be the hallmark of GangstaLand: A Michael Phelps designed, multiple-channel water slide interwoven among 28 Greg Louganis signature series springboards. Called "Dive By Chuting," this attraction is expected to be able to turn 5400 guests per hour.
Following the tour, Thudd pointed to the "Low Pants and Implants" day spa on an adjoining property where guests could, according to him, "relax and refresh with a bitch-slap treatment after an enjoyable day of mayhem and disorderly conduct."
Thudd said, "GangstaParks sees itself as a company that is in-tune with current cultural trends upon which it intends to capitalize." And company backers have lofty plans to do just that. If successful, GangstaParks expects to develop similar theme parks near Carmel, California; Gross Point, Michigan; Westport, Connecticut; Naples, Florida; and Baghdad, Iraq.
Other unique features of this theme park are the use of admission tattoos (a small "GL" logo just behind the left ear) instead of the issuance of traditional admission passes and the Bad Mutha gift shop, where guests will be able to purchase T-shirts with the slogan, "My f***ing boyz had wen ta f***ing GangstaLand n' all theys f***ing done brung me waz dis f***ing shirt.”
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